Religion & Brainwash

November, 17, 2014


Call me crazy but what if we learn to love our brothers for nothing in return..reaching out to the ones who need help treating them as you would first treat that would just be insane…

Today, I left the house late for work. Terrible. Really terrible. Apparently, this morning, I thought they had this “All Car Owners” meeting at Agungi bus stop because I could literally see all the car owners in Lagos at that Bus stop(if you are reading this, and you have a car, you bet I saw you too!!!)  Seriously!!! Days like this, I just whisper a silent prayer of thanks to God for not owning a car….YET!!!

Anyways, I stood at the bus stop hoping to get a bus to Obalende.

My office is at Obanikoro o!!!!

Okay, let me explain. This week, I decided to patronize my Uncle. Spend the entire week at his house. Being judged for wearing my hair like Sambisa Forest, wearing Chuck Taylors ‘at my age’, wearing Red Lipstick and what again sef…practically being me..(#sigh# wetin man go do…can I be you please???)

I actually told you I’m patronizing my uncle because I now stay on the Mainland. Yes!!! Ojota to be precise. (Omo, that transition felt like doing the ‘big chop’ I tell you!!! Funny things have just been happening to me since I cut my hair!! Support me on this matter people!). Anyways, as I was saying, my float fare is usually less than #200 from my new ‘abode’ but from my uncle’s house, just to be scrutinized for everything, I spend about #300 which is actually not wise but that’s why it’s called Patronizing. I mean, I could spend less than that if he decides to drop me off at Obalende or something but he wouldn’t let me into his car as long as I have a red lipstick (which I don’t kinda wear regularly) or wear something like a dress that is straight or stops on my knees..see ehn, let me be frank I could go and on but I do love him (I’m his ‘anyway’ fan).

So, as I was waiting o, I saw this lovely lady pull over. Two other ladies were standing next to me. There was a dark one and a yellow paw paw(light skinned). The lady in the car said ” I’m going to Lekki Phase 1 just incase anyone is interested (TAKE NOTE). The yellow pawpaw quickly jumped into the car. Me, I was not going to Lekki Phase 1 o, but I got in anyways, after the dark lady. The sun of this morning can make you change your name if that’s the only requirement for not being smitten by it!! So, the fact that the car had a working A.C made me reconsider my location.


It may just be crazy enough to work if we could only loved. What if we somehow changed the world, it may just be crazy enough…

We began our journey.

The Nice car owner put on her radio.

The news was playing. A lady was reading the news. She said “another female suicide bomber invaded kinikan kini kan (I can’t remember)in Bauchi state” Everyone in the car froze. Then, the talk began.

“Bauchi!!!” Car owner said. I nodded.

“My God!!! I served in the North o!!! Thank God I’m done. The North is such a dangerous place”Yellow pawpaw said. I nodded.

” No, its not. North-East is peaceful” Dark one said. I nodded.

“Ahan!! I’m telling you the North is quite dangerous.” Yellow Pawpaw argued. I nodded.

“I’m from Borno. I’m quite familiar with the North” Dark one argued. I nodded.

” Ehen, you are from Borno? I lived in the North for 25 years. Do you know kinikan kinikan(I can’t remember)? I’m friends with sososo and so (I can’t remember) family” Car Owner said. I nodded.

” Whao!! Really? I know them.” Dark one said.

Somehow, the conversation changed from bomb blast to regions then beliefs and then Religion.

“All these people will just be brain washing their people. Claiming violence is the way” Yellow Pawpaw said. I nodded.

“My dear every religion “brainwashes” That’s why I always tell my children to be careful about what they hear from pastors.” I nodded. “Let me tell you a story.” she continued. “I lost my grandfather, he lived in Festac; so I’m always at Festac. We invited a priest to come for the something something(I can’t remember) program. This priest came and started telling people that they should make donations. He started calling amounts. #100,000 thasand (thousand), #200,000. People were getting up; giving. At a point, he said everybody should empty themselves and give everything they came to the place with and see the wonders God will do in their lives.” I shook my head and said “whao!! that’s sad”. ” My dear, it was more than sad because I saw people giving, expecting magic to happen. I wanted to talk but I said if I talk now the thing I will be hearing from my family members is “this woman is trying God o!” And that’s what people are made to believe. They make God look so complicated but this God is so loving and understanding. He knows me.” And I said “True that”

“That’s actually true.” Dark one said. ” They’ll say don’t wear this or that (in my mind, I was like come and tell my uncle o!!!) “They will say you have to be like this or like that just to worship God. But Jesus is nothing like what I heard He was like” I nodded.

“The reigning thing now is your wealth determines your closeness with God” Yellow Pawpaw said.

“My dear, I tell all these people ‘Dont pray for me. Pray with me. Is the God you know different from the one I know?’ Hmmmmm…we should sha see this God o!!! That is my own. Because I don’t understand why someone will donate huge amounts to the church just to be a stakeholder in the house of God. Stakeholder o!!! When people are hungry and begging. people are killing themselves for titles in church. What happened to the Love Jesus took His time to teach us?” Car owner said.

“Religion on its own is a brainwash…if one is not careful and learns to hold on to God.” Yellow Pawpaw said. I nodded

” So, my dear, I’m turning here. I’m sure you will see a bus that will take you to your location” Car Owner said. I smiled and said ” Thank yo so much ma. I’m grateful” and jumped out of the car. What a way to begin my day.



I grew up in an Orthodox church. I loved it. But I always wondered why every sermon had to do with your neighbour  who is a witch and desires to kill you and block your road more than receive his salary. I mean, I grew thinking all my neighbors were witches especially those who had strong strong faces.

Some weeks ago, a guy walked up to me and asked me for #200. He was no stranger to me. But, I remembered Mfon’s face when she was telling me that the boy’s mother looks like a witch and she does strange things. So, me, I funnily thought the boy’s mother sent him to come and collect the money from me so that she would use it to block my road and marital destiny..(#sigh# I know). Anyways, I shamefully admit. I didn’t give him. This destiny hustle is real abeg!!! But, in all fairness, I did wrong and I know some loyal people will defend me and say I was protecting myself but really, I was nothing but a big hypocrite that day. My religious belief had filled my heart with more fear than faith and that doesn’t look like the aim of religion.


I once attended a church where the pastor had red eyes. Mfon said its because the man is filled with the spirit of God. ‘He has the eyes of a man that has seen far” she would say. I never believed her. That man looked high to me. And o boy!!! I found out he was. I was the drummer in that church. This man led the praise session sometimes and every service, i often wondered why the tempo increased from medium to fast to very fast to the speed of light!!! Every Sunday, I walked out of church with severe hand pain. Some months after the man got a church member pregnant, and sent his wife and his child out of his house, he moved in with another church member who was a broke lawyer. One day, Mfon caught him getting high on weed on the roof of the church. She came home weak and said she doesn’t like people with red eyes. Me, I sha saw it!!! He had the eyes of someone who had seen far under the influence of weed!!!


Maybe I should continue this gist later…..tomorrow(I have more gists for you before we land on the conclusion of the matter)

I hope you didn’t miss me much because I missed you

let me hear your own gist…you hear?

11 thoughts on “Religion & Brainwash

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